Points of Clarification

Dear Friends and Family,

This is not quite an "Update" but rather a few "Points of Clarification."

I have made a mistake.

In some of my more recent posts, I have come across poorly about some things here and I want to shed light on my intentions and what I truly think about this place, Casa Angelina.

For anyone who has ever gone anywhere, you know first-hand that it is easy to get distracted by the culture. Everything is different. However, that does not mean that everything is bad. The culture here for me is really hard to adjust to because it's SO different. I'm not used to some of the things they do here, food they eat, habits that they have. It's been a great challenge for me to accept that and love it, work with the tutors and kids at Casa Angelina while not letting them change who I am. It's been really great for me. I've been pushed far beyond my comfort zones and have spent time giving up my will and giving up personal space and comforts. Guatemala as a whole is very different.

In a few of my posts, though, I feel like I may have misled those of you who are following me on my journey here. Casa Angelina is a beautiful beautiful place, well-run, top-notch... they do amazing things with these children and it's really a miracle, what they've done here. This family takes children out of nightmarish, awful realities where they are hurt and broken, and then this family welcomes them as their own. They give every child a home, brothers and sisters, Mom and Dad, Aunts, Uncles, teachers, pastors, people to love them and pour into their lives. They have everything that they want and need, and they have never gone hungry or been hurt again. The trust that goes on between the ministry and the children is incredible and I get to watch, every day, as these kids are taught about God not just through words but through ACTION. The love that is given to them is incredible. My intention in my posts was not to undermine this or put the ministry or the children in a bad light. I think that what goes on here is pretty amazing, very anointed. Yes, it is hard to adjust to a completely different culture when you are alone in another country for a very long time. But that is not at all a slight to Casa Anglina. The people here are incredible, the children here are amazing, and I have been blessed by each and every one of them.

I feel like I've complained too much or shared too much of the hard things about being here. The truth is that I just really miss my family and I miss my friends and it's very hard to adjust. Before I came here, I was selfish, and I still am. I'm learning so much though about selflessness and laying down my own will. I wanted to come here to learn selflessness, and it's happening. It's not easy though... my will is strong in the flesh. I have to rely on God every day to just take that away from me and give me His heart instead... His patience... His love... His strength. Because I don't have it. I am small and weary, weak and selfish. Without God, I think, I would be gone by now.

Unfortunately, each of you can not be here to share this amazing experience with me and see the incredible things I see every day. You're not here to hold the hands of these children or spin around or play tag or just sit and talk with them. You're not here for the dance parties and the bonfires, the working out and the lunch conversation, or for the worship nights and breakthroughs and changes. Unfortunately I can not write down enough about Casa Angelina to make you understand the fullness of the wonderful people here, the culture, the beautiful things about Guatemala. And even more unfortunately, I have done a horrible job in sharing all of that with you in a way that lifts this place up, not tears it down.

It's hard not to let my own struggles overcome me, overshadow the beautiful experiences I've had here. It's hard to be honest without sharing in my daily struggles and thoughts. But I feel as though I need to be more careful and more thoughtful about what exactly I say to all of you, not because I have to, but because I want to. I want to show you the reality of being here, not just my own reality being here. The truth is that this is not just my life at Casa Angelina, but the life of every single child and worker here, the families and the people who have given all of their lives to make this orphanage work for the glory of God.

As far as orphanages anywhere, this is probably one of the best. It operates impecably, not just as an orphanage but as a family. And I absolutely love it. I wouldn't change anything. So please believe me when I say, although I have struggled and been stretched incredibly, I aboslutely love this orphanage, I love every single person in it, and I hope to do better in the future at showing you that.

Missing all of you more than ever,
Kellie